I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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