Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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