I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
