Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
