I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
