If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
