You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
