Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
