She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
