I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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