made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
