i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
