I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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