Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
