At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
