Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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