I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
