Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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