Don't you send me to vm
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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