I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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