It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
