U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
