I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
