The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
