Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
