im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
