I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
