$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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