haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
