I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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