when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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