I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
50% drunk capacity currently
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
