i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
