The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
