Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
