yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
