Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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