No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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