remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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