I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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