ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
