I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
