apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
