The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
