I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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