Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
