you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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