if you like me you must not know who I am
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
