i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
