I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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