real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
