You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
